Superheroes Aid Angry Boys

Superheroes have problems, too. Did you know the Incredible Hulk suffered physical abuse at the hands of his father? The beloved anime character Naruto was orphaned and shunned by his village. And Spiderman’s Uncle Ben was murdered by a thug. The natural feelings of anger welling up in all these characters ultimately resulted in their determination to, if not seek revenge, sublimate their feelings to the fight for good.

All children experience anger, and they should be encouraged to allow themselves these feelings. But when their emotions consistently emerge in extreme, disruptive and inappropriate behavior, we must teach them how to manage the feelings. Insisting her child stop having angry feelings , then yelling or punishing him when he expresses the emotion, is the most damaging measure a parent can take.  Anger

“. . . can be triggered by embarrassment, loneliness, isolation, anxiety, and hurt.” says Richard Niolon, PhD, Professor at The Chicago School of Professional Psychology and writer of PsychPage.

However, children displaying consistent, extreme anger problems that affect their everyday lives may have Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Youths challenged with this condition exhibit ongoing defiant behavior towards teachers, parents and other authority figures. More than likely, these children have experienced some sort of trauma, neglect or sense of powerlessness.

One of our therapists at Intercommunity Counseling Center took on a group of eight-year-old boys who had been acting out in home and school, and elected to use the idea of superheroes to progressively tackle their anger issues. Dr. Lawrence Rubin, PhD, wrote the book Using Superheroes in Counseling and Play Therapy, which describes creative methods to help children devise their own coping strategies after identifying with a favorite superhero. Like many angry children, most superheroes have a backstory. If a child discovers common ground with a particular character, he can learn how that hero resolved his own difficult history, then mimic the positive behaviors. They get to enjoy this process through drawings and creative imagery.

The Superheroes To the Rescue group formed by our counselor comprised children who consistently talked out of turn, yelled, fought, threw tantrums, broke the rules and generally had low impulse control. Learning their own triggers for anger was the first step, and sprang from a guided visualization: pretend you are stuck in Spiderman’s web, then identify what “bugs” you.

Next, the counselor helped the children to discern differences between appropriate and inappropriate responses to anger. In the moment, effective actions include taking a deep breath, taking a break, deciding what to do next, talking to someone or getting help.

Finally, the ICC therapist facilitated the boys in the creation of their own long-term coping strategies and cool-down techniques. They employed deep breathing, stress balls, hitting a pillow or other soft item, and talking to friends and parents.

“One hero that all kids were able to identify with was Superman, so we used his ‘super cool breath’ to demonstrate deep breathing as a calming technique. We also focused heavily on the Hulk and how to use ‘super strength’ for good rather than harm. We shared the Hulk's story of how he used his strength for bad to harm innocent people, break things, aggress toward others when he got angry and that it's normal because when we are mad, we tend to say and do hurtful things. But later he learned to channel that energy for good to save people's lives and learned to express his anger only for saving other people.” An offshoot of this study of the Hulk included using Hulk hands to smash away angry thoughts.

Within the group, one boy stood out among the others, both at the beginning and end of the process. This young man was so extreme, that even among the group of children with anger management problems, he became an outsider. At some point, he was eliminated from the group, but later welcomed back. Using the techniques suggested by our ICC therapist, he gradually became a standout in his excellence: he apologized for his behavior, became attentive, generous and encouraging of his peers. The boy has had no reported trouble since leaving the group. Nor have the other members.

Because of Intercommunity Counseling Center’s willingness to empower our therapists with the freedom to use new and inventive methods such as these, clients are more likely to function at an optimum level, affording them the potential for healthy, happy lives.

When Times Are Bad and You're All Alone

In life, each of us go through seasons where difficult circumstances may become more of our normative experience for a time. During these times, it can be very helpful to have someone else, often a therapist, walk through the experience with you and assist you in gaining clarity and direction for what is most important to you. In these times, it is important to remember your own strengths and actions you have previously used to help you achieve goals you’ve longed for. This is a brief story, with names and identifying information changed, of someone who reached out for help during a challenging time.

Rebecca is a 48 year old Latina, who is married, has three adult children and three grandchildren. Rebecca is currently living with her mother, who has advanced dementia. Rebecca is her only caretaker and most days, is only able to leave the house for approximately 20 minutes to pick up her grandchildren from school or to purchase a few groceries. Rebecca’s father passed away approximately 6 months ago and they were very close. Rebecca’s father entrusted her mother’s care to her alone, and while she longs to provide excellent care for her mother, she often feels tired and is beginning to feel burned out. Prior to her father’s passing, Rebecca provided care for her mother and her father for several years. Rebecca has minimal social support from her children and receives no assistance from her siblings in providing care for her mother. Rebecca came into Intercommunity Counseling Center and asked to work with a therapist in processing her grief over the loss of her father. Rebecca had realized that even though he passed away 6 months ago, she had been so busy with caring for her mother that she had not processed her grief which was now beginning to feel overwhelming. Rebecca found herself crying multiple times a day, she experienced low energy levels, had difficulty concentrating and it was becoming harder to accomplish daily tasks.

In working with an ICC therapist, Rebecca was able to share her own experience of losing her father. She gained space to verbalize what she appreciated and missed about her father, and aspects of their relationship that she wished were different. In therapy, Rebecca had space to focus on re-integrating aspects of her life that provided her with strength through difficult seasons, including her faith background. Rebecca began to reach out to others in her community, which decreased her strong sense of isolation. Her community was supportive of her needs and began to volunteer to watch over her mother for one to two mornings a week, so that Rebecca could have time to take care of her own needs and family. Throughout therapy, Rebecca began to realize the importance of allowing herself the space to grieve and rest. Prior to therapy, Rebecca primarily focused on caring for everyone besides herself. While this came with many short term benefits to her family, Rebecca was living in isolation, loneliness, sadness, despair and often felt overwhelmed.

In working with the therapist, Rebecca was able to recognize her strengths and deep commitment to her family while also holding her need to care for herself through proper rest, exercise, nutrition and social support. Through processing her experience of grief and her corresponding feelings, Rebecca was able to recognize grief responses within her family and encourage her family members to build in healthy habits of caring for themselves and supporting each other in enjoyable and painful seasons of life. As Rebecca began to feel more able to contribute and navigate within her environment, she recognized that previously she had several sources of support which she utilized to bring in healthy life patterns. For Rebecca, these life patterns included attending church services with her faith community, having regular enjoyable time with friends and loved ones, and building in time for rest and reflection.

As a normal part of life experience, grief or loss is a familiar experience for all of us. At times, continuing to live our ‘normal’ daily life rhythm can be very challenging after the passing of a loved one. Therapy is a beneficial place to process your experience in a safe space. Remembering and integrating your strengths and beliefs, allows space in developing understanding and meaning in our experience, often leading to new beginnings even within a season of loss. 

Assessment at ICC (Intercommunity Counseling Center)

Have you ever thought to yourself "Why do I always do that" when you're hanging out with friends? Or have had that moment in life where you wonder "why can't I reach my potential, what's holding me back?" Or maybe you're that person that has always struggled in school and you ask yourself "is it just me?"

Assessment helps us answer those difficult and intimidating questions you might have about yourself. Assessment is a process that helps us discover together how you think and understand the world. You get the opportunity to get to know yourself in a way you never have before. You might be a man in his 60s wanting to understand why you feel sad and can't seem to find joy in life. You might be a young student that has always struggled in school and you're frustrated because you don't know how to get your grades up. No matter what you’re struggling with, assessment is a GREAT place to start. We can explore how your “clock ticks” and then decide what the next steps are to help you experience healing and support to live your life to the fullest. That way you can be all that you want to be!

Treating Adjustment Disorder

General consensus is, our lives comprise three core spheres: relationships, work and health. If any one of these key aspects is changing or failing, we are on alert. But if two or more of them are in transition, we may have trouble coping.

Take, for example, a young man who changes his job and living situation in a short span of time. The job is really a career move with a new environment, new protocol, etc. His home is in a different city, away from the friendly neighbors he used to spend time with. Since he had stopped using substances some time before this, the coping mechanisms he once used are no longer available. He finds himself experiencing increasing anxiety to the point at which he decides to seek help.

The therapist may diagnose this man’s condition as adjustment disorder. Tending to be short-term, this state is characterized by finite periods of depression and/or anxiety brought on by major life changes or loss. Once an individual adapts to his new circumstances, the disorder ends for him.

But in the meantime, the feelings associated with the affliction can be excruciating, leading many to pursue counseling. Symptoms can include (abbreviated from the WebMD website):

• Hopelessness
• Sadness
• Crying
• Anxiety
• Worry
• Headaches or stomachaches
• Palpitations
• Isolation
• Absence from work or school
• Dangerous or destructive behavior
• Changes in appetite
• Insomnia
• Low energy or tiredness
• Substance abuse

A mode of treatment useful for numerous psychological conditions can also be successfully applied to adjustment disorder. That is, cognitive therapy. This model, developed by Aaron Beck in the 1960s, argues that individuals’ own thoughts and perceptions  about events directly affect their emotional responses, as opposed to the actual events. Counselors attempt to discover their clients’ distorted beliefs about themselves or provocative situations, through questioning and teaching them to examine their own thinking.

Because the cycle of therapy for adjustment disorder is relatively short (often from three to six months), and the individual sessions can be as little as 45 minutes, homework is key. Therapists guide clients to track or log negative thoughts, then ask questions for each thought: “Is this true?” “If part of it is true, what isn’t true?” Keeping a schedule to track how one feels at different times is also useful for pinpointing triggers. Finally, the individual is encouraged to devise his own replacement behaviors for less healthy activities. For instance, connecting with loved ones is a good substitute for isolation. Turning to old, favorite hobbies trumps drinking or overeating.

Generally, the scrutiny of one’s beliefs coupled with the new, healthy behaviors will empower an individual, ending the disorder and achieving his adjustment within a few months. If not, perhaps client and therapist need to consider other possible conditions, such as long-term depression or generalized anxiety disorder.

Choosing to Take the Journey

It seems that many of us consider therapy only as a last resort when life comes crashing down around us.  It is a decision made when relationships are disintegrating or the heavy load of life’s journey has become unbearable.  To choose counseling just to improve one’s life is rarely done.  Even as a therapist, I admit my apprehension to wrestle with things in my own life that need to change or delving into my history to examine where I took a wrong turn of sorts.  I suspect that in order to choose to submit oneself to therapy, an individual must acknowledge that their own life is important and that working to improve the quality of their life is a priority.

To dispel some of the fears of being examined, judged or corrected by a therapist, it seems that there are some important things that happen in a counseling room that don’t often happen serendipitously.  The stage is set; all distractions, responsibilities and schedules are set aside for one short hour out of a chaotic demanding week.  It is a time where time stops in order to take time for reflection and honest self examination.  What a luxury and probably a well-deserved reward for working so hard at getting life “right.”

As the therapist and client form a trusting relationship, the client is then able to examine core motivations underlying their choices and behavior.  This is where the work begins as the client continues to be honest with him or herself.  In many cases, it is a time for boundary construction when there has been none.  Things can get very confusing for some because many do not trust their own analysis or perspective of a problem or of another person’s behavior.  Changing the dance in mid-song can be very upsetting for others, so choices need to be made that can impact many relationships.

In the midst of that struggle there are some things that surface.   An individual’s strengths and weaknesses are exposed.  This especially reveals itself in how they loved or how they perceived a current or past event that impacted them.  When a client comes into therapy having experienced trauma or pain in the past, they sometimes realize that it affects the present and their current relationships.  Stepping back and reliving some difficult scenarios can be distressing and yet cathartic as a client works at letting go of the past and moving on in order to enjoy life today.

To complete the work the client has started they must have a vision.  To quote a trainer in a life-changing seminar I attended years ago, “A person must have a vision to pull them through the pain of transformation.”  This gives them a definitive goal and it is measurable.  This also means a lot of work and determination on their part.   It also takes courage for we know that when one person changes in a family system, other members are affected.

Being in counseling is a very important choice.  For many they are saying my life is important and that they no longer want to be a victim to what life is offering.  They are making life happen by being proactive and determining what they want from life.  Through counseling they are taking a very scary leap of faith.  In essence, they believe that through counseling there is a better chance of getting healthier relationships and a more fulfilling life.  They begin to discover what has prevented them from having what they wanted in life thus far and can begin to see what needs to be changed.

Dr. David Jeremiah’s book “Slaying the Giants in Your Life,” explores some of the obstacles that people encounter in life.  The giants are fear, discouragement, loneliness, worry guilt, temptation, anger, resentment, doubt, procrastination, failure and jealousy according to Dr. Jeremiah.  Unless these giants cause some great damage to relationships, many get accustomed to living with them.  Many of these giants show up in the therapy room especially at a time of crisis.  According to Dr. Jeremiah, “These giants cast their long shadow over everything we aspire to do, every new land we seek to inhabit, every dream we hope to pursue.”

We only go around once in this life.  Instead of passively retreating from your own personal giant, stand and fight by taking an active approach.  Muster up the courage to explore the depths of who you are and what you want for the rest of your journey.  Counseling can be the perfect setting for such an exploration.

Article by Susan Lawler, Marriage & Family Therapist, Intern

Intercommunity Counseling Center

                

A New Year!

A New Year!

by Lacey Edwards, M.A.

Welcome to 2013! A new opportunity to frame and shape each day, to create new ways of being in your world. Well... you may be thinking... that’s easy for you to say... I’ve tried that before... Yet it is often our perspective in life that influences the outcome before we have even begun. I believe that you want the best for you... for your family... for your community... and even for those you do not know. In order for us to create a better world, we each need to be willing to risk. That may seem scary... or even a bit unknown as to what the future holds, yet putting our best effort into creating positive change is what will bring about the most hopeful situations for our community, for ourselves and for our families. I’m reminded of a quote by Theodor Geisel, also known as Dr. Seuss, who became more well known this year through the movie, The Lorax. “Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing’s going to get better, it’s not” (Geisel, 1971). I’ll give it a try. Will you?

But risk for what you might ask? That’s up to you! We can dream and plan for what we would most like to see happen in our daily lives, within our family and within our community but before we implement it, it is important to take a few moments to set goals to help us on our path to creating positive change around us. Change takes time and often times, it is a trial and error process where we may not bring about complete change the first time. In order to effect positive change, we need to be willing to get up and try again. Reaching our desired goal is most likely when we take time to review and reflect.

Here are a few simple steps in achieving your desired goal. Valerie Chang recommends creating a SMART Goal, in order to achieve what you desire (Chang, Scott and Decker, 2009).

S: Be Specific

M: Make it Measurable

A: Make sure your goal is Attainable

R: Make your goal Realistic

T: Make your goal Time-Sensitive

When you create a goal that is specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and time-sensitive, it enables you to achieve the goal in a reasonable amount of time which leads to a sense of fulfillment and further desire to create and reach additional goals (Chang, Scott and Decker, 2009). When you set a goal that is not realistic within your current schedule nor realistic in light of your primary responsibilities, you may become discouraged and begin to withdraw from your goal, and you might begin to believe that you are not able to accomplish things that you actually are! (Chang, Scott and Decker, 2009)

No matter what time of year, at Intercommunity Counseling Center we work with you to establish goals and bring about changes you desire in your life. If you are looking to establish healthy patterns of living or simply want to talk with someone about your thoughts, feelings or behaviors, please give us a call. We offer services utilizing a sliding scale fee based upon your income, so that we can support as many people who would like to come. We wish you the best in 2013!

Intercommunity Counseling Center

7702 Washington Avenue, Whittier

(562) 698-1272

References:

Chang, Valerie Nash; Scott, Sheryn T.; Decker, Carol (2009). Developing Helping Skills: A Step-

            by-Step Approach. Belmont, CA: Brooks/Cole.

Geisel, Theodor Suess (1971). The Lorax. New York: Random House, Inc. 

Training the Counselors of Tomorrow

For more than three decades, ICC has been serving the mental health needs of the greater Whittier community. In addition to meeting this mission, for the past two decades, ICC has been developing the professional counselors of tomorrow through a training program for Masters and Pre-doctoral level students. Beginning in the early 1990’s, ICC (then the Interchurch Counseling Center) invited Marriage and Family Counselor trainees, predominantly being educated at Fuller Theological Seminary.  The unique combination of students who were well trained in providing basic counseling, along with the ability to integrate spiritual concepts, was a good match for ICC and its clients.

Since that time, ICC has gone on to extend this training opportunity to also include students at the pre-doctoral level studying to become psychologists. Drawing predominantly from doctoral programs at Azusa Pacific University, Fuller Theological Seminary-School of Psychology, and Rosemead School of Psychology at Biola University, we have continued the trend of providing excellent counseling to clients in need, while also providing close supervision and abundant training to students as they develop in their skill and profession.

Counting our current staff of nine trainees, we have now trained more than 120 professionals at ICC. Although this may not sound like a tremendous number to you, consider that each student therapist has moved on to work with hundreds of clients since leaving ICC. They have staffed community mental health centers, college counseling centers, VA hospitals, Army bases and homeless shelters. They have become excellent supervisors, professors and trainers, now writing letters of recommendation to ICC for their own students. They have gifted us with Christmas cards from Minnesota, emails from North Carolina, wedding announcements from Washington and new baby photos from Texas. Some of our trainees have even returned to their home countries of Germany and Switzerland to continue to practice. For those who stay in touch, they consistently remark on the impact that the training at ICC has had on their professional development. In addition to receiving diverse training and intense supervision, they remember the feeling of family, the kindness of the staff and supportiveness of supervisors.

Overall, ICC has consistently offered a tremendous service in the community by providing affordable, professional counseling to those in need. Likewise, by training the professionals of tomorrow, each and every day, ICC has impacted lives across the country and around the world in the skills and training provided by our clinical training program.