In life,
each of us go through seasons where difficult circumstances may become more of
our normative experience for a time. During these times, it can be very helpful
to have someone else, often a therapist, walk through the experience with you
and assist you in gaining clarity and direction for what is most important to
you. In these times, it is important to remember your own strengths and actions
you have previously used to help you achieve goals you’ve longed for. This is a
brief story, with names and identifying information changed, of someone who
reached out for help during a challenging time.
Rebecca is
a 48 year old Latina, who is married, has three adult children and three
grandchildren. Rebecca is currently living with her mother, who has advanced
dementia. Rebecca is her only caretaker and most days, is only able to leave
the house for approximately 20 minutes to pick up her grandchildren from school
or to purchase a few groceries. Rebecca’s father passed away approximately 6
months ago and they were very close. Rebecca’s father entrusted her mother’s
care to her alone, and while she longs to provide excellent care for her
mother, she often feels tired and is beginning to feel burned out. Prior to her
father’s passing, Rebecca provided care for her mother and her father for
several years. Rebecca has minimal social support from her children and
receives no assistance from her siblings in providing care for her mother.
Rebecca came into Intercommunity Counseling Center and asked to work with a
therapist in processing her grief over the loss of her father. Rebecca had
realized that even though he passed away 6 months ago, she had been so busy
with caring for her mother that she had not processed her grief which was now
beginning to feel overwhelming. Rebecca found herself crying multiple times a
day, she experienced low energy levels, had difficulty concentrating and it was
becoming harder to accomplish daily tasks.
In working
with an ICC therapist, Rebecca was able to share her own experience of losing
her father. She gained space to verbalize what she appreciated and missed about
her father, and aspects of their relationship that she wished were different.
In therapy, Rebecca had space to focus on re-integrating aspects of her life
that provided her with strength through difficult seasons, including her faith
background. Rebecca began to reach out to others in her community, which
decreased her strong sense of isolation. Her community was supportive of her
needs and began to volunteer to watch over her mother for one to two mornings a
week, so that Rebecca could have time to take care of her own needs and family.
Throughout therapy, Rebecca began to realize the importance of allowing herself
the space to grieve and rest. Prior to therapy, Rebecca primarily focused on
caring for everyone besides herself. While this came with many short term
benefits to her family, Rebecca was living in isolation, loneliness, sadness,
despair and often felt overwhelmed.
In working
with the therapist, Rebecca was able to recognize her strengths and deep
commitment to her family while also holding her need to care for herself
through proper rest, exercise, nutrition and social support. Through processing
her experience of grief and her corresponding feelings, Rebecca was able to
recognize grief responses within her family and encourage her family members to
build in healthy habits of caring for themselves and supporting each other in
enjoyable and painful seasons of life. As Rebecca began to feel more able to
contribute and navigate within her environment, she recognized that previously
she had several sources of support which she utilized to bring in healthy life
patterns. For Rebecca, these life patterns included attending church services
with her faith community, having regular enjoyable time with friends and loved
ones, and building in time for rest and reflection.
As a normal
part of life experience, grief or loss is a familiar experience for all of us.
At times, continuing to live our ‘normal’ daily life rhythm can be very
challenging after the passing of a loved one. Therapy is a beneficial place to
process your experience in a safe space. Remembering and integrating your
strengths and beliefs, allows space in developing understanding and meaning in
our experience, often leading to new beginnings even within a season of loss.
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