Living Well in Sobriety

Life after sobriety should be carefree. A fresh start, clean slate and new adventures must lie ahead. While that sentiment is certainly a positive by-product of sobriety, most individuals find they face challenges and struggles to work on long after taking their last drink or hit. “The fear of being vulnerable that newcomers experience in the early stages of sobriety is so intense that some can’t get past it”, states George Joseph, a Licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor and CEO of The Right Step rehabilitation center.

Thirty-eight-year-old Lily had been less than three years’ sober when she sought support with one of Intercommunity Counseling Center’s compassionate therapists. She did have two major advantages: a stable living situation and a good job. Our counselor soon learned that Lily did not have any real “diagnosis”: no clinical depression, anxiety or personality disorder. What she did have was a heart-wrenching history consisting of alcoholism, homelessness, beatings, incarceration, hospitalization and institutionalization. She clearly needed skills to help her cope as a sober person, as well as a way to deal with her past. “If I could look back and try to recall my impression of this woman in her late thirties, I would somehow compare her to a burn victim who had just walked out of the ashes of her life.”

Vestiges arising from her painful existence unfolded as misguided choices she made concerning relationships, especially apparent in picking men who devalued her. Making unwise choices can be typical for those new to sobriety. Our ICC therapist also realized that Lily experienced role confusion due to early detachment from her mother, revealed in her tendency to display different aspects of herself, almost as separate personalities. “The angry, tough Lily; a sweet, humble girl; the determined student that vowed to never fail again; the forgiving Christian; and even the competent professional, showed herself in the counseling room.”

Although looking at the past is valuable, effective treatment includes techniques to move forward. “Of course, a therapist must help search in the ashes to try to unveil what caused the fire in an area of one’s life. Was it the abuse of her mother, the physical, emotional or sexual abuse of the men she pursued for love, or was it her insatiable appetite for affirmation?” Whatever is ultimately to blame, the aftermath tends to be distorted thinking that leads to unhealthy behavior.

Using cognitive therapy, our counselor uncovered her false beliefs, one by one, and challenged what was true and what was a lie. The cognitive approach developed in the 1960s by Aaron Beck involves “identifying distorted thinking, modifying beliefs, relating to others in different ways, and changing behaviors”, according to the Beck Institute website. Lily’s ability to discuss her history allowed her to recall the messages and labels she received in the past, and then eliminate them.

Our therapist also taught Lily keys to living a healthy, sober life. For a person early in sobriety, there are behaviors and circumstances to avoid:

• letting guard down after goals seem to be completed
• isolation
• compromising situations
• triggers
• associating with former drinking buddies
• and, especially for Lily:
• calling former partners from bad relationships 

Carole Bennett, M.A. and author of Reclaim Your Life - You and the Alcoholic / Addict states that the newly sober individual needs to live and obtain:

a “total clean and sober existence”

“therapy to help a loved one in recovery deal with some deep-seeded, personal and emotional conflicts that may be stuffed somewhere deep down inside”

“a daily work schedule that was specific and regimented” for consistency and accountability

“Living life on life's terms . . . brace themselves to these new bumps in the road”

Through six years of therapy and counting, Lily has met and conquered all four challenges. She has just completed one round of schooling and seeks additional education to further her career. Being driven in everything she does, she works long hours and feels the pressure to succeed. But this drive has served her, and she has improved impressively in the past years. She even works with other women who need support. “Lily’s past failures have facilitated her ability to be a wealth of insight and experience that is impacting other women in recovery”, notes her therapist.

Counselors like these, willing to partner with a client through the duration, are typical of the Intercommunity Counseling Center team. Our confidence in our staff leads to creative solutions that often incorporate several modes of assistance. Although cognitive therapy and a good, listening ear were the primary techniques applied to Lily, her spirituality was also supported throughout the course of therapy. “I know if I were to ask Lily ‘What was the major key to your success?’, she would say holding onto her faith in the God who created her for more. He told her how valuable she is and how much she is loved. He brought her out of the ruins and gave her hope for a better future. She would say that He took the ashes of her life and made something beautiful out of it.”