It seems that many of us consider therapy only as a last
resort when life comes crashing down around us.
It is a decision made when relationships are disintegrating or the heavy
load of life’s journey has become unbearable. To choose counseling just to improve one’s
life is rarely done. Even as a
therapist, I admit my apprehension to wrestle with things in my own life that
need to change or delving into my history to examine where I took a wrong turn
of sorts. I suspect that in order to
choose to submit oneself to therapy, an individual must acknowledge that their
own life is important and that working to improve the quality of their life is
a priority.
To dispel some of the fears of being examined, judged or
corrected by a therapist, it seems that there are some important things that
happen in a counseling room that don’t often happen serendipitously. The stage is set; all distractions,
responsibilities and schedules are set aside for one short hour out of a
chaotic demanding week. It is a time
where time stops in order to take time for reflection and honest self
examination. What a luxury and probably
a well-deserved reward for working so hard at getting life “right.”
As the therapist and client form a trusting relationship,
the client is then able to examine core motivations underlying their choices
and behavior. This is where the work
begins as the client continues to be honest with him or herself. In many cases, it is a time for boundary
construction when there has been none.
Things can get very confusing for some because many do not trust their
own analysis or perspective of a problem or of another person’s behavior. Changing the dance in mid-song can be very
upsetting for others, so choices need to be made that can impact many
relationships.
In the midst of that struggle there are some things that
surface. An individual’s strengths and
weaknesses are exposed. This especially
reveals itself in how they loved or how they perceived a current or past event
that impacted them. When a client comes
into therapy having experienced trauma or pain in the past, they sometimes
realize that it affects the present and their current relationships. Stepping back and reliving some difficult
scenarios can be distressing and yet cathartic as a client works at letting go
of the past and moving on in order to enjoy life today.
To complete the work the client has started they must have a
vision. To quote a trainer in a
life-changing seminar I attended years ago, “A person must have a vision to
pull them through the pain of transformation.”
This gives them a definitive goal and it is measurable. This also means a lot of work and
determination on their part. It also
takes courage for we know that when one person changes in a family system,
other members are affected.
Being in counseling is a very important choice. For many they are saying my life is important
and that they no longer want to be a victim to what life is offering. They are making life happen by being
proactive and determining what they want from life. Through counseling they are taking a very
scary leap of faith. In essence, they
believe that through counseling there is a better chance of getting healthier
relationships and a more fulfilling life.
They begin to discover what has prevented them from having what they
wanted in life thus far and can begin to see what needs to be changed.
Dr. David Jeremiah’s book “Slaying the Giants in Your Life,”
explores some of the obstacles that people encounter in life. The giants are fear, discouragement,
loneliness, worry guilt, temptation, anger, resentment, doubt, procrastination,
failure and jealousy according to Dr. Jeremiah.
Unless these giants cause some great damage to relationships, many get
accustomed to living with them. Many of
these giants show up in the therapy room especially at a time of crisis. According to Dr. Jeremiah, “These giants cast
their long shadow over everything we aspire to do, every new land we seek to
inhabit, every dream we hope to pursue.”
We only go around once in this life. Instead of passively retreating from your own
personal giant, stand and fight by taking an active approach. Muster up the courage to explore the depths
of who you are and what you want for the rest of your journey. Counseling can be the perfect setting for such
an exploration.
Article by Susan Lawler, Marriage & Family Therapist,
Intern
Intercommunity Counseling Center
