Early Identification: Family Members with Mental Health Problems

A family member’s mental health disorder creates stress for the entire family. Today, it is not uncommon to see Schizophrenia, depression, anxiety and many other mental health problems afflict people's psychological health. Identifying disorders can prove complex, especially when an individual is experiencing a developmental shift. For example, parents may mistake their child’s behavioral change for puberty rather than realizing she has a mental disorder. Elder members of the family may seem to change their behavior due to aging.

Following are simple descriptions to help identify early signs of mental conditions. Because these guildelines are only preliminary, do seek help from mental health professionals to confirm the diagnosis.

Significant attitude changes toward people

Mental health problems usually negatively affect social functioning. People caught in the early stages of a mental disorder might face uncertainty, fear, and frustration. For example, Schizophrenics or psychotics are likely to experience hallucinations, often hearing voices or seeing images not heard or seen by others. Such hallucinations trigger suspicion of other people and the fear of being harmed, leading them to isolate themselves. They may lock themselves in their rooms or show unusual hostility because of this fear of harm, to the great frustration of their family members. Their seclusion is not restricted to family. Pulling back from friends, coworkers, teachers and others is further proof of social isolation. Pay close attention to whether your loved one suddenly becomes remote or even fearful of others.

Increase in bizarre behaviors and reports of hallucinations

Bizarre behaviors are also indicators of mental health problems. Most prominent clues manifest in speech and appearance. Notice whether your family member suddenly seems to be speaking strangely, perhaps using a made-up language, which is an indication of Schizophrenia. Observe whether he becomes disoriented, losing track of time or place. Does he report hearing voices or seeing things that do not exist? These are signs of hallucinations. Make further investigations.

Look for a drastic change in personal hygiene. Has she become seriously unkempt or kept her room filthy when she never did before? Remember, long-term messy habits are not revealing. Abrupt changes are the key indicators.

What can I do...

Numerous resources for mental health assessment, diagnosis and treatment exist in the community. Mental health professionals such as psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers and family marital therapists are all able to identify potential mental health problems. If you observe any of the symptoms discussed above, do not panic. Remaining calm and supportive of your family member is essential and likely to improve his condition. Encourage him to receive an assessment from a psychiatrist and escort him to the appointment. With medication and continued care, many mental disorder sufferers are able to resume most of their functioning, so receiving early care is invaluable.

Author Andy Ying is currently a third year doctoral student at Azusa Pacific University, major in clinical psychology.  He received his B.A in Social work in Hong Kong, China. He also received his first M.A. in Hong Kong major in Family Counseling and Family Education. Later in the U.S., he received his second M.A. in Clinical Psychology in Azusa Pacific University. He is working on his doctoral dissertation about Asian American families who has members with Schizophrenia.

Parenting Woes at Misbehaving Child

However desirable, a list of indisputable to-dos do not come with the birth of your child. Not only are you as a parent, responsible for the physical survival of the infant, but you must raise your child within societal standards. Remembering that parenting is a gift can be difficult as you experience the frustration and exhaustion triggered by your child’s misbehavior. However, bear in mind that family is often the first place a child experiences love and relationship, and her initial experiences pave the way for future experiences.

Psychological theorist Dr. Donald Winnicott focuses upon the idea of a true vs. false self. The true self is at the core of each person and what makes each person an individual, distinguishing him from others. Certainly, if you have multiple children, you can attest to how different each child is. These differences emerge from the true self. In the literature[1], Winnicott describes this concept as a “vital spark”, inherent in each individual, leading him to his life purpose. Take, for example, a seed that is placed in the ground. The seed does not need to be told to grow into a daffodil, but with necessary components (water and sunlight), it matures into a daffodil. A live daffodil seed can’t become anything other than a daffodil. Winnicott believed that instead of water and sunlight, humans need a sufficient “facilitating environment” to mature and develop, known in psychoanalytic language as the “holding environment” that the mother provides for her infant. A child has within herself the capacity for maturity and self-authenticity, so the parent simply needs to provide the adequate environment for this to occur. Establishing rules and maintaining discipline, while perhaps a part of creating a safe holding environment, is not the foundational component to healthy living.

            

A safe holding environment contains the child’s fragmented world experience. The child feels safe and nurtured in this environment because he knows what is acceptable and what is not. Align yourself with your child and attune to his presenting needs, and he will subsequently develop a sense of being known by you, leading to feelings of comfort and security. A child needs to experience his whole, true self as contained in this environment, not just perceived pieces that are acceptable to you as a parent. You need to respect your child’s experience, even if you do not think his reaction fits a circumstance. He will then experience a feeling of respect, even if you do not approve of his behavior. If the child feels wholly accepted, he will not hide parts of himself from you. Providing a space with respect and connectedness prepares the child to expect such values from others in his life.

            

Most significant of Winnicott’s concepts is the idea of the true and false self. Instead of focusing on producing a “good” kid, parents should aspire to raise a “true” kid. This notion may be a fundamental shift in your concept of what it means to be a good parent. Perhaps your definition of success is the launching of a “good”, productive member of society, kind, and successful. But an authentic child is one who is true to herself and becomes who she was created to be. You need to let go of the specific parental dreams you have, and instead, become a student of your child as together, you discover the uniqueness that is innate within her.

            

What does all this mean? What does this look like played out? Below are a few ideas of how to create the “holding environment” for healthy development.

Recommendations[2]

Tolerate your child’s emotions.

Accepting your child’s emotions teaches him to tolerate his own emotional discomfort. Punishing a child’s response will push the child away. Focus on connecting.

Help your child create narratives of her experiences.

Create space to discuss the day and help your child articulate her experiences. Establishing this healthy pattern helps the child learn how to integrate herself into a coherent story of her life.

Continually increase your own self-awareness.

Being aware of yourself helps you to know what is “your stuff” in a particular situation and what the other is bringing into the relationship.

Understanding yourself allows you to choose your behaviors instead of merely reacting.

Model healthy emotions by expressing your own emotions directly and simply.The child learns by example.

Respect your child’s experience.

Although your child’s reaction may not seem to fit the circumstance, respect his response and experience of the situation. Respecting isn’t the same as accepting.

Work towards collaborative responses.

Focus on the process of connection instead of just the content of the communication; learn to observe your child’s non-verbal and verbal communication.

Reflect with a child on his emotional experience after an altercation.

This practice aims to realign you with your child so you both feel understood and connected. Space is provided for each of you to regain your dignity and feel better about yourselves.

Reconnect with your child after separation to ease any feelings of isolation or being misunderstood. 

Disconnection can deregulate and disorient your child.

Be kind and empathetic regarding your own emotions towards your child, and take responsibility for your actions. No parent behaves perfectly every time.

Your own guilt increases the distance between you and your child and can hinder you in restoring the relationship. Anger towards your own responses to your child can also hamper your ability to reflect your child’s experience.

Instead of fixing, try joining.

Joining means coming alongside your child instead of establishing yourself over him. As you attune and attempt to understand your child, he will gain more strength and self-sufficiency. He will learn to explore himself instead of repeatedly responding to your demands.

Learn to laugh. Don’t take yourself so seriously.

Disruptions in relationships will occur, and getting caught up in mistakes lessons our chance to connect with the other.

Be a student of your child. Don’t assume you understand where she’s coming from.

The child will feel the freedom to share her experiences rather than merely telling you want you want to hear.

Parents’ natural inclinations may be to follow behaviors demonstrated by their own parents, built on generation upon generation of similar patterns of rules and punishment. But do consider the deep connection you can achieve by allowing your child’s true self to take shape while providing a safe and secure environment. And enjoy the distinctive person your child becomes.

Author Elizabeth St. Clair is a predoctoral therapist at the Intercommunity Counseling Center.

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[1] The Child, the Family, and the Outside World, By Donald Woods Winnicott

[2] Recommendations adapted from, Parenting From the Inside Out, By Daniel Siegel M.D., and Mary Hartzell, M.Ed.